||Santarchy - Washington DC
SantarchyDC 2015: December 12th Noon
Starting location: To be announced
Follow Santa on Twitter for updates
What is Santarchy?
Santarchy takes place in major cities all over the world involving tens of thousands of Santas.
It is a non-profit, non-political, non-religious & non-sensical celebration of holiday cheer, goodwill, and fun.
There is no good reason to dress up in cheap Santa suits, run around town, give gifts, sing songs, have strangers sit on our laps, and decide who is naughty or nice -- but it's a lot of fun -- so Santa does it anyway. Everyone loves Santa and Santa loves everyone! Santarchy is your chance to be Santa, so step up and be jolly.
Holiday apparel is mandatory. A Santa hat is not enough. Get a Santa suit. Buy a Santa suit. Make a Santa suit. Steal a Santa suit. If you don't have any money, be creative. If you don't have any creativity, slap yourself three times and ask your mom to help you. Glue cotton balls to red long johns. Make it purple. Make it pink. Make it plaid. Already have a Santa suit? Bring spare parts for the Santafication of strangers. Past examples: Santa Claws, Santa Garcia, Santa's naughty little helper, misfit toy, elf, grinch, angel, Jesus, snowman, nutcracker, reindeer. Shit -- last year we had bananas, a robot, and a really fucking scary ginger bread man/woman/thing... so we're pretty flexible here.
Twisting the holiday paradigm until it screams for mercy is fun! Getting arrested is not. Santa Claus is friendly, respectful, and cooperative with cops, security guards, park rangers, strippers, secret service agents, bouncers, bartenders, and store owners and doesn't break any laws!!! "Disorderly Conduct" is not a city in China. Have your own special twisted fun, but DON'T FUCK IT UP FOR THE REST OF US. Our Santas do not destroy property, steal merchandise, or do harm to others. The authorities and local businesses usually take Santa's antics in the loving holiday spirit Santa intends, so be nice to them. SERIOUSLY! DON'T ARGUE! If they donít want Santa there, Santa should move along.
WE ARE NOT PROTESTERS!! We'd need a permit for that - and something serious to complain about... Santa is a-Political and does not protest anything (besides shitty office holiday parties).
- The "schedule" is open to liberal interpretation by Santa at all times. There is no Santa in charge to call. If you can't show up for the start, get the cell number of someone who can help you catch up later, or follow Santarchydc on twitter. Keep in mind that there is no single place in DC that can serve 300+ Santas at once, so feel free to spread your jollyness to other establishments along the route as we go.
Santa does not make children cry. Really - If you see kids, give them nice toys, candy, or something pleasant. (Feel free to abuse their parents.)
- Santa dresses for all occasions. It's December. Smart Santas wear layers. Dress to maximize merriment whether singing christmas carols in the snow, or swinging from a stripper pole.
- Santa doesn't whine! We will be outside much of the early day and covering a lot of ground on foot -- bring enough "snacks" to keep your pie-hole filled until we get indoors.
- Bring gifts -- NAUGHTY gifts to give grown ups; NICE stuff to give kids. Throwing coal at the white house is discouraged (see RULE #3 above).
- Watching Santa get drunk and obnoxious is fun. Babysitting Santa while they vomit in an alley is not. Don't be that Santa!
- Pay your own god damn bar tab. Better yet, carry cash and pay for everything right away -- that way 300 santas aren't trying to close out a tab at the same time when we leave. Tip the bartenders generously for putting up with us.
- Memorize these answers to important questions that may arise:
Who's in charge? "Santa"
What organization are you with? "Santa"
What are you protesting? "Shitty holiday parties"
(note: WE ARE NOT PROTESTERS!! We'd need a permit for that - and something serious to complain about...)
How did you get here? "A sleigh and eight tiny reindeer"
Where are you going next? "I'm only allowed to tell you if you wear this hat and buy me a beer."
Any other question: "HO!" (best coupled with a slight pause and a stupid look on your face).
(the "official" site)
Santarchy on Wikipedia